Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
