it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
