party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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