Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
