you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
