i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
P.S. I can't hear my feet
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
