My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Randomize
