Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
