we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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