I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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