she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just pynch a tree in the face
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
he just fucked me for my cheese.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
