I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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