The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
