and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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