I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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