Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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