Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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