I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
