My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
