he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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