idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
