i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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