Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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