WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
