I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
