you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize