you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
