i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
