So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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