I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
