you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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