I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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