I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
