Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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