He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
