Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
