dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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