Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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