And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
