Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
