I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
