i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
