you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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