I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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