he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
