Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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