Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
