Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
