Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
