The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
