According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
